Catching Up | Rachel & Ryan 

“The credit you think I deserve?” He asked, a laugh escaping his lips. “Oh wow, you are really hard to please.” He said, a half smirk playing along his own lips as he leaned on the counter and looked slightly upwards at her. It felt good to be in her company again, no matter what she did, she always seemed to make him smile. He knew that they were just talking as friends at the moment, and that she probably didn’t have anything else in mind but he knew that if he never ended up seeing her again after that night, he would be crushed. They could even just remain friends, and see each other occasionally, but he knew that there was no way he would be able to live his life without knowing that he had done his best to get together with her, and to apologize for everything he didn’t do. “Making pasta and staying in sounds like a good idea.” He nodded his head, a chuckle leaving his lips as she mentioned that it would be better if the two of them stayed inside. “Right, of course.” He said, an inevitable grin making its way across his features.

He really couldn’t venture a guess as to why her parents wouldn’t approve of anyone she picked to date. He, himself, had always been nice and trustworthy to her family, and much more than that, he respected their wishes and let them be a part of what was going on in their lives. Family would always be an important part of a person’s life and there was no way that he would ever her family remotely badly. He didn’t want to mention what had happened that cause them to break up, however, he wasn’t exactly sure what she had told her family afterwards, and he didn’t think that they would like him as much as they did if she told them. He shrugged his shoulders, a smile still visible on his face as he listened to her speak. “You’re right… It’s not worth being in a  relationship if the other person can’t get along with your family.” He nodded his head, agreeing completely with what she was saying. As he heard her tone drop, he glanced down at the floor, not quite sure what to say. He had had quite a few flings ever since Rachel, but all of them ended just as soon as they started because he realized that he was just trying to fill the hole that Rachel had left in his life.

“I— Yeah. I know, you’re standing right here.” He said, suddenly feeling a bit foolish for having said it like that. “I love being able to see you again, to see your smile.” He started, “I miss being able to tell you that I love you, I miss seeing you every day, I miss falling asleep next to you…” He spoke softly, suddenly realizing that he was giving himself false hopes all over again, and glancing down at the ground. He let out a sigh, “But you’re right, we don’t have to talk about this right now. We’ll just… We’ll see how it goes.”

He looked around the kitchen and felt a smile form once again, “Stop confusing me, McAdams.” He shook his head, starting to make his way around the kitchen, still thinking about where the items might be before starting to open any of the cupboards or drawers. “I’m so going to prove you wrong.” He said, a smirk playing along his lips once again as he finally took a chance and opened one of the large drawers in which he remembered that the utility tools for cooking would be kept in. “And, here it is…” He said, drawing out the word as he took the item in his hands. “The black cheese grater.” He said, beaming at his success. 

"Okay, well hopefully I have all of the pasta ingredients here." Rachel tucked a section of her shoulder length hair behind her ear, glancing down as she had been for the past few minutes. Her heart lifted up inside of her chest, hearing all of the things he was listing off about what he had missed. She couldn’t help but almost feel happy that he was feeling those things, that it seemed like he regretted deeply about his lack of actions. It was strange that it seemed like they could talk about these things, about their past or what they had been feeling. However, they couldn’t get themselves to talk about the incident that had caused him to walk the other way. Even though she wanted to almost gloat about how he should’ve went after her, or that it was good that he felt his own pain…that wasn’t like Rachel at all. Even though she was hurt by him, she still loved him, she still missed his face, and she still wanted to try to be with him if there ever was a chance in the future. 

Silence overtook the room as she mentioned the fact that she was in one relationship. She didn’t know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that Ryan was silent. It was just one relationship. Had he been in more than her? Or was it the fact that she had said relationship, meaning that she actually was in a place of her life where it was possible that she moved on from Ryan for at least that year and a half. What was she going to do? Wait for him to come back for her? How long was she suppose to wait? 

"We can talk about it if you need too, Ry. I mean when can’t avoid the topic forever." Rachel glanced down at her fingers, lightly picking at her nails. It was a fact, sooner or later they did need to talk, especially if they wanted to continue seeing each other. But maybe it was the best idea to wait, considering it hadn’t even been 24 hours of them being in the same room. It was strange, for the past four years she avoided going to the events where she knew Ryan would be. This whole time they were avoiding one another, and yet here they were today, memories flooding back and the possibility of the thought of them being back together was haunting her. That thought needed to be pushed aside for many reasons. One, who said if he was looking for more? He could just want to sleep with her once more, who know? Two, she was too hurt. Even if they did try to make things work, what if everything failed for the third time because now she knew that Ryan wasn’t so dependable as she thought he was. Lastly, it was the first time seeing him in years. The thought of them being back together could be her old feelings playing games with her. Her thinking wasn’t being logical because of the shock that he was really in front of her. 

Rachel laughed, watching him hold up the cheese grater. She shook her head, “I think you’re cheating.” The girl hopped off the counter, smiling at him. “Okay show off…water crackers”, she stated. Water crackers, with humus, was one of Rachel’s favorite snacks in the world. She always had at least the crackers around, that was something that had never changed. With a smile she took the grater away from Ryan, setting it on the counter, pouting slightly, acting like she was affected and disappointed that he had found the first thing. 

Catching Up | Rachel & Ryan 

“You’ve gotta give me more credit then that, Rach.” Ryan said, a cheeky grin still playing across his lips. “I think I’ve got a pretty great memory, to be honest with you.” He asserted, not even completely sure whether or not he was just kidding. In his defense, he did have a decent memory, however it wasn’t anything spectacular either. “Hey, I’ll tell you what… I will cook that pasta later for you, if you will allow me, that is. I have got to prove my wonderful finding skills to you first though.” He said, partly challenging her as he sipped from his almost empty glass of water.

Hearing Rachel speak about her family, his lips couldn’t help but curve upwards in an involuntary smile. She had always been a family-oriented person, and he had always admired that about her. Of course, he was also quite of a family guy, he adored all of his somewhat crazy relatives, however he was not nearly as devoted to them as she was towards her family. He was not the kind of guy who would call his family at least once a week, but he found it soothing to hear her talk about them in such a simple yet appreciative manner. As he heard her next words, he kept his eyes on hers, knowing exactly how that could translate into a reminder of their past. There was a silence between them, and although there were no awkward or uncomfortable silences between them, he still felt the need to apologize to her, to let her know how much he regretted never going after her after what happened so many years before. Before he could summon up the exact words he wanted to say though, he heard Rachel’s voice once again. “Do they, really? Well, I miss them too… Oh, well that must suck. I hope that they’re not too cruel to your boyfriends.” He said with a small laugh, part of him truly meaning it but the other part just glad that they had so much approval of himself and his relationship with Rachel. “I mean, I just— I miss you.” He said, deciding to take a chance on it. Knowing that it would be a complete lie if he said he missed her parents but not her.

Ryan bit his lip, nodding his head as he made a mental list of all of the things he needed, and started to try to imagine where all of them might have been. “Uh, okay.” He said, still trying to mentally locate all of the items. “Oh, I will find them, McAdams… Even if it’s the last thing I do, I will find them.” He said, determined to prove her wrong. “Should I just start now?” He asked her, a little worried that he wouldn’t be able to find them. Without even awaiting her answer, he set out to find the black cheese grater, certain that it would be the one he would be able to find first.

"I gave you some credit. The credit I think that you deserve", she spoke softly with a half smirk playing along her lips. She took one last drink of her water before twisting the cap back on and setting it over on the counter. Glancing at him she hopped up on the counter, sitting close, yet slightly, above him. She tucked on ankle behind the other, her hands resting in her lap. "Well you can make the pasta later tonight. I mean I know we wanted to catch up and everything, but lets face it…it’s probably better for the two of us, being together, but staying inside." Rachel glanced up at him, recalling how it was exactly four years ago this time of year when the two of them had tried to be back together, right before the unspeakable thing had happened.

The first time they broke up was truly because of schedules and they both needed a break to put their priorities into perspective, that and they wanted the public to believe they were truly broke up so the paparazzi would back off of them. Well, those were Rachel’s reasons. The second time, around four years ago, they met up and decided to attempt to give their relationship another chance. With that reuniting, they were spotted being lost in their own moment, lost in each other, at a cafe, where the shutterbugs had a field day. It wasn’t too long after that when…when they gave up on each other. 

"Just, um, a thought", she spoke, lightly licking her lips before looking down. A small laughter escaped from the back of her throat, a laughter that really only came out when Ryan was around. Well, she laughed all the time, she was in general a very happy person. However, with Ryan it was like he brought out her better side, her even happier side. Not only was he able to bring out that side, but he also brought out her worst side. Which maybe that was a good thing. Like every couple, they had their fights and there were several times when she’d go off on him. But he was always still wanting to be with her, and loving her just like when she was happy. Well, up until that day. Ever since they were officially broken up she had been with two other guys. One guy barely lasted two months. The other was a close friend of hers and their relationship lasted a little over a year, almost two. But none really compared to her first real and being in love relationship with Ryan. Maybe she was just being pathetic though, hanging onto the past that had no hope and no chance for a future. "You can act happy about that. It’s okay. I guess you did set the bar pretty high, according to my parents and my brother." Rachel shrugged a bit, looking up at Ryan once again. "Besides if they couldn’t handle my parents or my family, then it’s not really worth being in that relationship, is it?" She paused slightly as her tone dropped a little, "There was only two. Well barely two, more just like one guy since, um, since you."

I miss you. Those three words were probably the best words anyone could ever hear, right behind: I love you. “I missed you too”, she softly whispered. “But you don’t have to miss me. I mean I’m right here, in front of you and I guess…we just see how it goes”, she spoke with a shrug. She didn’t want to seem too harsh to him, nor did she want to feed herself false hopes. Even though she had missed this man before her, and she still loved him…she was still hurting a great deal all because of him. 

"Okay well you better get started on finding those items, because I just might start feeling a little hungry and we’re not eating until you find those simple three things." Rachel straightened up a bit, smiling at him, continuing to bring out his competitive side, just like she had in the past. "The first two should be easy I mean we’re in the kitchen and usually those items could be in the kitchen…" "Or not", she added with a playful smirk as she turned her body half way so that she was completely turned and facing towards him. 

Catching Up | Rachel & Ryan 

Hearing Rachel congratulate him, he gave a curt nod and mocked a bow, pretending to be in an elaborate performance that had just been tremendously praised. After his short bow, he straightened his posture once again, shooting an intrigued look at Rachel. “Yeah? Alright. C’mon, ask me anything and I will find it.” He nodded. He knew that she had just been teasing him, however she had possibly awaken his competitive side. “Say anything and I’ll show you.” He continued saying as he licked his lips and gestured around the cupboards, drawers and appliances that surrounded him. “A cheese grater, the pasta stuff, anything.” He arched his eyebrows, even though there was no way he remembered every small detail, but still determined to show her that he could find anything. 

“All of those movie titles sound so intense and intellectual.” He commented simply, barely suppressing a laugh. “Seeing as you’re in them, I bet they are all going to be wonderful.” He continued, meaning every word of it. Having worked with her and watched some of her other films before their break up, he knew that she was tremendously talented and that she deserved all of the praise in the world. However, Rachel was also aware that he could never watch any of her recent projects in their entirety. “That’s good, yeah. Oh, good old Canada… It’s always great to go back and see all of your loved ones and everything.” He felt a swell of appreciation in his chest, remembering Rachel’s family that he had been so close with merely years ago. “How’s the family, Rach?” He asked her, curiosity taking over him. Biting his bottom lip, he found himself wondering when he, himself, would ever have time to go up north and visit his loved ones.  

“Of course… That lovable, yet lazy dog is still around.” He said, suddenly recalling of the memories they had shared with their once shared dog. “He misses you though.” He said truthfully, nodding his head at Rachel, and letting out a small laugh in the process. “I mean, he didn’t tell me does, obviously. But I can tell.” Some days he would get home to see his dog whining and with a sense of melancholy in his eyes. It had become less of a habit, since he had gotten used to the fact that she wasn’t there anymore, but every once in a while it would happen all over again.

Rachel lightly bit down on her bottom lip listening to him. “Well, yeah if I ask you to find something in the kitchen, without a doubt you’d find it. Not because you’ve been in this kitchen countless times, but because you know your way around a kitchen in general”. Her eyes stayed on his, not being able to stop looking at him, mostly in fear that if she looked away he’d disappear. “I miss you cooking by the way. I tried to make that one pasta that you always made, but I could never ever get it right”, she laughed a bit. “But, um, I might actually have to come up with a harder object for you to find”. Rachel smirked a bit, hopping off the stool, going over to the fridge and taking out a bottled water. 

She turned around, facing Ryan, leaning against the fridge, opening the water and taking a drink. “Well thank you. I doubt they’d be big or anything, but I mean two of them are already getting um, festival buzz things like that which is well, always good”, she smiled. “Family has been pretty good. I haven’t seen them so recently, but I call them at least every week and I think they’ve been pretty good, they sound good”, she smiled a bit. “Supportive like always, which is something that’s always nice to have. To have someone behind you, no matter what”, she softly spoke, completely unaware of the fact that the statement could relate to him, to their past. There was a small pause between them, but it wasn’t an awkward silence or anything. “They miss you”, she softly spoke. “I mean they don’t say anything to me, for um obvious reasons, but lets just say they don’t really like me dating anyone else lately”, she shrugged, deciding to herself that she probably needed to stop talking, not wanting to make him feel any guilt and above all not wanting to make this friendly visit turn into an awkward and full of tension visit. 

"I miss that dog too", she softly spoke, smiling a bit at him, taking another drink before she walked over to the counter, close to him as she set the bottle down. The black cheese grater, water table crackers, and…", she pursed her lips together, thinking for a second. "Hm, I need to give you a harder one now…one that’s not in the kitchen. The pearl necklace that was a gift from my family", she softly spoke, smiling a bit as she slightly tilted her head, looking at him. "Find them and then I’ll get you your trophy or gold star sticker". Her smile never faded, not since he had re-entered her life. It was just like the past, playing games with one another, slightly teasing each other in a complete harmless way. It was something that she didn’t even know she missed because she let go of that happiness and repressed those memories. "Go ahead, I bet you can’t find them. Prove me wrong", she challenged him, letting her competitive side come out. 

Catching Up | Rachel & Ryan 

Ryan couldn’t help but let out a good-natured chuckle, glancing around the surroundings that Rachel had apologized for being messy. Slightly shaking his head, he couldn’t help but smile at how little she seemed to have changed. She still seemed to be the exact same person as she was four years previously, which was exactly what her apartment radiated as well. For that moment he felt as if he had gone back four years, and that he had a chance to take back everything that he had done wrong.

It astonished him how many memories came to his mind at the simple sight of the familiar apartment. Surprisingly enough, even the scent of apartment was the same… It truly just smelled like Rachel. As he heard her say that he could just help himself to anything, he nodded, taking a second to look around the kitchen before finally setting out to see if he still knew where everything was. A smile was splattered on his face as he took a few steps towards one of the cupboards and opened it to find exactly what he was looking for, the glass cups. He felt her eyes follow him as he took one of the glass cups, and he set it down on the counter. Biting the inside of his cheek, he made his way towards the fridge and found himself absent-mindedly starting to hum a random tune. Opening it and peeking inside it, he took out a water bottle and then poured some of it into the glass. Suddenly noticing that he had been humming for quite a few seconds, he immediately stopped, taking a small sip of the water. “I think I deserve some kind of award for remembering where these were.” He said, letting out a soft laugh, knowing that it wasn’t all that hard to remember where those kinds of simple things were.

Hearing her next question, he slightly scrunched up his face, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ve been well.” He said simply, thinking about what else to say. “I already told you about The Gangster Squad reshoots… That’s mostly all that’s going on right now. I also finished filming Only God Forgives not too long ago.” He explained as he looked at Rachel curiously. “What about yourself?” He questioned, feeling particularly interested in what the answer would be. Taking another sip of the water, he held the glass in his hand, glancing down at it occasionally as he awaited her response.

Her eyes watched his every move, a small smirk playing across her face as he wandered around the kitchen, finding the items. In her defense they weren’t really hard items to find to begin with. Anyone could come in and open the cupboard, hoping to see a glass or a cup of some kind. However, this was Ryan and if she dared to ask him to find something else for her, he would find it in a blink of an eye. It would probably be the same with Rachel, if she ever went to his place and maybe if he didn’t move anything, or at least not much, she’d still be able to find what it was she’d be looking for. 

The brunette’s eyes stayed on him, smiling a bit, noticing that he began humming an unknown tune. It was something he always did, and it was good that it was still a trait of his. One of her most precious memories that involved him was falling asleep in his arms. Her head would gently rest on his chest as his fingers would lightly brush through her hair. She’d be happily content and with the sound of his breathing in and out, and then his soft random humming…she was able to fall into a deep and peaceful sleep. That was probably the thing she missed the most. He was the last thing she saw at night, and the first thing she would wake up to see in the morning.

Rachel let out a small laughed, sitting up and straightening out her back. “Okay well I’ll give you an award for the glass, but the water is just obvious. Most people have water bottles in the refrigerator”, she pointed out. “But really good job, maybe I’ll have to test it out to see what else you remember where things are”, she smirked a bit in a teasing manner. “Hmm, what about me?”, she smiled, lightly drumming her fingers on the counter top, thinking of what she had been doing. “Well I just finished a film called To the Wonder and Passion”, she spoke with a small nod. “Right now I am filming About Time and A Most Wanted Man is in the works. So, I’ve been pretty busy, but not too busy which I don’t know allows free time to do, well absolutely nothing on some days. If I’m really lucky and i have a few weeks off, then I go up to Canada and visit my family and some old friends”. It seemed like not much has changed, well at least not for her. She was still the same well rounded person as she always was. Rachel was always pretty quiet, kept to herself sometimes, and other days she’d be somewhat of a party girl, or a traveler to just see her family, which she had always kept close to her heart. “So that’s pretty much me in a nutshell at the moment”, she laughed a little, giving a small shrug. “So, how’s George doing, I mean he’s, um, still around right?”, she softly asked, referring to his dog, which once was the dog that they both owned together. Talking to him was nice, even if there wasn’t many words exchanged between them, it was nice to have him listening to her. It was nice that he seemed like he wanted to know about her once again, and as always, just like she’d done before, would give him an answer to any question he would have for her. 

Catching Up | Rachel & Ryan 

Tapping his fingertips against his thighs, Ryan stood there, making sure that he wouldn’t mess it up this time. He would never forgive himself for leaving Rachel in the moment that she needed him the most, and he never knew if she would completely forgive him for it either. He didn’t expect her to, but he also knew that there was no way they would ever trust each other again if they didn’t have an actual conversation about what happened. It was obvious that they wouldn’t have that conversation until later, but he still couldn’t help but wonder what would happen once they did.

The distinctive clicking sound of the opening door, his eyes shifted to look at the woman standing on the other side of the doorway. “Hey.” He replied after hearing her own greeting, his lips suddenly curving up into a smile as he looked at her. Although they had barely said anything to each other, he could already feel the different emotions that they unknowingly exchanged just by the look that they were sharing at that moment. He could feel the pure, substantial intensity, yet he still found himself longing for the way they would greet each other with a kiss and a loving look in the past. 

Suddenly feeling her thin arms wrap around his body, he tried to evince no surprise and merely hugged her back, taking a second to take that moment in and make sure that he would never forget it. Ever since their break up, he wanted to hold her in his arms and reassure her that she was safe with him. Feeling her pull away and hearing her apology, he looked at her and shook his head. “No, no. It’s fine, really.” He said truthfully, lightly and affectionately squeezing her elbow as he did so, trying to let her know that he was glad that she had done it. “Sure.” He bit his lip absent-mindedly and then gave a curt nod, stepping into her house.

Her green-hazel eyes glanced down, feeling a slight squeeze on her elbow. Slowly she took a step back, not being able to help it. “Okay, um, excuse the mess, I’ve been a little busy with, um, upcoming projects”, she explained, entering her house, letting him follow her. The thing was, she apologized for the mess, even though there was never a mess in her house, she was naturally a clean person, without even trying to be, she just always put things back where she had picked them up from. 

"Can I get you anything? Soda? Water?", she glanced back at him, smiling a little. Whenever she was around him, she couldn’t help but to smile. "You can just help yourself to anything. If you, um, still know where everything is…not much has, um, changed", she softly spoke as she took a seat at the counter in the kitchen. After four years of being apart from each other, her house was still the same. All the furniture was the same, the arrangement, nothing had changed at all. The only thing that was different was the fact that she took down all the photos that were of him, that were of the both of them. 

She propped up her elbow on the counter, resting her chin on the palm of her hand, looking at him. Being with him, it felt natural, it felt like nothing even really changed. Except for the fact that there were probably things that they couldn’t talk about, or well, they could but it was way too soon to bring them up right now, but who knew, maybe later in the day those topics would come up. “So, um, how have you been?”, she softly asked. She kind of already knew the gist of the answer, considering they did a little bit of catching up via messages, however she needed to bring up a conversation, too much was going through her mind for her to be quiet. Rachel needed to talk, she always talked especially when her mind wouldn’t shut up, or when her nerves were getting to her. Besides a very generic question, such as: how are you? It always led to other conversations, like a gateway. 

Catching Up | Rachel & Ryan 


Ryan wasn’t completely sure as to what his approach would be when he was finally standing in the presence of Rachel. Usually, he would find himself suppressing all of the memories and the feelings that were still so fresh in his mind, however, now it was as if he had absolutely no control over them. Although the majority of these overwhelming memories were joyful ones, there was also a series of painful, heart breaking ones. The mere thought of them made his heart sink, and made him regret ever letting Rachel get away. Shaking his head, he walked swiftly with a lazy expertness of motion across his apartment and into his room, searching for his belongings. His mind seemed to have been completely taken over by thoughts that he barely even noticed his surroundings, all he could focus on was the knot that was growing in the pit of his stomach. 

After much fuss and chaos, Ryan finally recovered his keys and wallet, and started to wonder how on Earth both of them had ended up inside one of the many cupboards in the kitchen. He let out a laugh and shook his head in sudden, sincere disbelief, before taking a moment to reassure himself that everything would be alright. Even if things turned out in a negative way, he would know that it would have been for the best. He would just have to accept the fact that Rachel didn’t love him anymore and that she didn’t want him as a part of her life. Furrowing his eyebrows, he shook his head, hoping to shake those kinds of thoughts away as well in the process. He made his way into the hall and locked the door behind him. He rushed through the almost closing elevator doors, and pressed the desired button.

Finally arriving at the garage, he quickly got into his car and turned on the engine, fearing that he would be late for their encounter. They hadn’t made specific plans, however seeing as it was still quite early in the afternoon, they would be able to walk around and even grab some lunch if Rachel felt like it. Despite the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach, he was also extremely glad that he would be able to see her again. She always seemed to know exactly what to say and she truly always made him smile. In truth, after a long time of struggling with the many details of their break up, he had reached a level of acceptance when it came to the entire situation. However, since talking to her, he felt everything coming back to him in a quite unexpected manner. After a few minutes of driving, he looked around, tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel before finally pulling up in front of Rachel’s place. Slipping out of his car and shutting the door behind him, he approached the front door and knocked on it, waiting patiently.

Everyday, everywhere she was…there always seemed to be something that would trigger a memory of Ryan in her brain. However, with time, she was able to adjust and ignore the memories, push them away. They weren’t bad memories, they were actually wonderful, amazing, the best memories she ever had. Some of great times in existence was because of him, but there came a time when the memories were too painful because it was the happiest time in her life. 

Rachel took a small breath, laying on the couch, staring at her phone, her mind being haunted with a never-ending series of thoughts. Why now? Her life was back in tack and she was perfectly happy…just being by herself. That should’ve cued her in on something…she was too happy. It was almost too good to be true, her happiness without Ryan. Then one day, he started texting her…talking to her and all she could think about were their first dates, their many dates, their first meeting, when she first realized that he was everything and more to her…she reminisced about their first kiss, about their last kiss. She even thought about their last day together, which was the most painful day because on that day, she had no idea that it was their last. The blood, the silence, the fights, the tears…she walked away and he never went after her.

She squeezed her eyes shut before opening them, riding the last memory that she always tried to never think about. The truth was that this all happened almost four years ago, in the next few months it would be exactly four years ago. It was in the past, and obviously, well it seemed like Ryan wanted to move on or forward. Why now? Why with her? They had done quite well without one another, or maybe it was all just a fake facade. Slowly she pulled herself to sit up, tucking a section of her hair behind her ear, trying to calm her nerves.

Just think of the good memories, or don’t even think, she thought to herself. This was a band new start, a friendship. Friendship, she had to keep that word in her mind, especially when she didn’t know what Ryan wanted. Did she still love him? Yes. Did she ever possibly want to be back with him? Yes. But after knowing that he left her when she needed him the most? No. He crushed her heart and left her…but maybe it hurt him too and maybe it was just easier to deal with their loss by themselves, and not with each other. That would never be answered. 

Her heart stopped for a second, hearing the knock. Rachel took a small breath, getting him, straightening out her shirt a bit, along with fixing her hair. She walked over to the door, opening it. Her eyes locked on his. “Hi”, she softly spoke, smiling a bit at him. All the negative thoughts disappeared. It felt good to see him in front of her, it felt right…something that she missed. Without thinking, she gently hugged him…she needed to hug him, for so long that’s all she wanted to do was just hold him for a second, to remind herself that he was real and not just a good dream that she made up. Slowly she pulled away and smiled a little. “S-sorry…”, she softly spoke, just in case that was the wrong thing for her to do. “Um, do you want to come in for a second before we decide where to go?”, she asked softly, keeping her eyes on him.